Steve Shay
Left to right: The "Blonde" and the "Bouncer" live in West Seattle. They created a relationship advise website called "Ask a Bouncer and a Blonde". They do not want their names revealed even though people might figure it out anyway.

Sassy new site to stir up West Seattle singles

A new, edgy website run by two young West Seattleites offers frank, sober advice for single guys and gals into the bar scene, coffee shop scene, and even the supermarket scene, trying to meet, and, after that, trying to get along.

"Ask A Bouncer And A Blonde" is a daily column providing answers to life, love, work, sex, relationships and "anything else people have the nerve to ask" their website states. And you needn't be embarrassed as you will remain anonymous, say the site's creators, who themselves desire some secrecy. They admit West Seattle is a small town and articles like this might expose a bit of their identity.

Like film critic icons Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, the bouncer and blonde have opinions that sometimes clash. Generally they are more in sync than those bickering film critics used to be, and each seems uniquely qualified to offer sound advice based on personal and professional experience.

"We feel competent to give advice on anything anybody wants to ask," declared the bouncer. "People who work in my industry, especially security and bouncers, notice what goes on between guys and girls.

"My job is to watch people," he added. "I spend more hours than I want to admit in bars watching for trouble, people grabbing on the girls, or starting fights. I'm seeing over and over, thousands of times, these individual interactions where guys would come up and talk to a girl. I see the body language, and can imagine the words they are saying when I see their lips move."

And the blonde's creds? She seemed reluctant to state the obvious in our interview. She is stunning, statuesque, and, sporting cowboy boots, stands six feet tall. One can speculate she gets approached by a lot of guys, or at least by the brave ones who are not intimidated. She therefore has a front row seat to the ritual of dating.

Both points of view proffered by the bouncer and blonde overlap with recurring themes such as "confidence", "move on", and peripheral vision".

"It's all about peripheral vision," said the bouncer. "You don't want to look at them but you want to see if they're looking a you."

"I think girls make it quite obvious," said the blonde. "I think guys usually know."

"I don't agree," he countered. "I think guys assume 'she's not looking at me'. But as a guy you can't go wrong by thinking she's into you. If you go up and talk to her, what can go wrong?"

"Exactly," she said. "I think girls are a lot less harsh than guys think they are. Nothing bad is going to happen if it doesn't go very well." She does suggest, however, that guys wear a decent pair of shoes and clean under groomed fingernails to avoid turning off girls.

"You have to play the game right or you're not going to get what you want," she said.

"Its a game for a reason," the bouncer added. "We want to find mates that are compatable to us for any number of reasons, some that science hasn't even determined yet. The person you start clicking with, you might not know why. You might need to have conversations with 200 women before you find that person. If you're obsessed over one girl who works in the supermarket and you're in there every day buying loaves of bread for no reason your odds of finding that one person are really slim."

"Girls will go after what they want," added the blonde. "If you're the guy in the supermarket then she'll go after you if she sees you there a lot. If she doesn't, it's not going to happen. Stop trying, and don't be desperate about it."

"Look," said the bouncer with frankness, "You go up to a girl and you're thinking, 'All right. I want to meet this girl and I want to date her. I want to sleep with her. I want to marry her.' You're screwed from the start. But if you're like, 'Hey. I just want to make some friends. Hey, how you doing? What's going on?' you're better off.

"Talk to someone, go away and talk to somebody else," he added, referring to a bar or party environment. "Suddenly you've got a lot of friends and its just easy. What guys need to do is to say, 'I just want to go out, have a few drinks, and talk to some girls with no expectations. If they did that they would be more comfortable and wouldn't be all up tight.

"You can't be too nice of a guy, or care too much what people think," the bouncer offered counter-intuitively. The bouncer is a nice guy and knows that's what girls like. He added, "If this isnt working, OK. Move on. There are literally millions of women. Obsessing over one girl for more than a few minutes is a complete waste of time. Go on to the next one until it feels right, until you vibe, and 'til it's clicking."

"Girls get hung up on guys, too," said the blonde as she kicked into move-on mode. "Shut up! Stop crying. Stop dwelling on it. No one wants to hear about it."

The blonde is agnostic about women agreeing to one night stands, but added emphatically, "It's their fault if they're going to cry about it the next day when he doesn't call them after sleeping together on the first date.

"A lot of the time men are really too scared to talk to women," she said. "It's a lot simpler then they think it is. All you really have to do is go up to a woman and not be creepy and she'll usually talk to you. If a guy was seemingly normal and came up to me I would strike up a conversation. Whether anything happened from that or not, at least we had a conversation. You shouldn't be embarrassed if you find out she is in a relationship. It's not a big deal."

That's easy for her to say. But what if a guy is not, well, Brad Pitt. According to her, not to worry.

"I know a lot of attractive girls that, if you're a confident guy and crack some jokes to release the tension, you never really know. It's not all about looks," she said. "Guys are coming up harassing (attractive women) on a constant basis. So go into it with tact."

"Give women some approval while not looking desparate like you really want some outcome here," he said. "Walk in. Have your head up, and say, 'This place is going to be great.'"

The plucky pair proposed that a good thing thing for newly divorced guys is to just hang out with female friends.

"Other girls see everything that's going on," said the blonde. "Girls think, 'OK. He's not this single desperate, sweaty-palmed creeper sitting in the corner staring at somebody. They think, 'Clearly these (other) girls like him and they are all joking around together. He seems like a fun guy. I'll talk to him.'"

Their website features a new question every day. They currently do not advertise, but said they would not mind if their hobby some day pays off.

The bouncer and the blonde encourage readers to send in questions, and again, promise anonymity.

Write them at:

Visit their website:

Also, they are featured every Tuesday on the West Seattle Funblog website:

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