Cold is sort of relative
By Scott Anthony
The Polar Vortex is tapering off now, but the weather across the nation is still pretty chilly.
Smithsonian Magazine reported this morning that some parts of Michigan are showing temps of 42 degrees below zero, which makes it colder than some parts of the planet Mars.
But by the time you are reading this, the temperature gauge in our part of the galaxy has likely climbed back into less Mars-like numbers and the it's safe to go outside again without wearing all of your clothing, but if the thermometer was just an inch longer I'm sure we'd have frozen over completely.
Compared to the rest of the country and the world, us Washingtonians are pretty wimpy when it comes to enduring inclement weather, and I know this because my friend Tom lives in Michigan and he tells me that they have about ten inches of ice and snow over EVERYTHING there. That's an interesting phenomenon, trying to get to work and your car when it's encased in a block of frozen water. On the phone, I could here Tom's teeth chattering, so had to ask him, "How cold is it?"
Tommy stuttered and said, "Scotty, it is so cold that when I got out of bed this morning my pajamas broke. The furnace had quit and when I tried to use the bathroom my dog wouldn't let me in. I had to shave in the kitchen, and it was so cold there that my whiskers just broke off."
I tried to cheer him up, saying things could be worse, but he kept on with his complaint, "When I got the last chunk of glacier off of my windshield I paid some kids to push start me down the hill. It was so cold that when I stopped at McDonalds for a hot cup of coffee and they spilled it on my lap, I just said, 'thank you!'
Back on the road, Tom passed a group of teenagers waiting for the bus. He said, "For once, all their pants were pulled up tight." Tommy writes a blog and needs to keep tabs on the news in his neighbohood. He told me that he turned on the police scanner in his car and heard a rare report.
"Car 120, we have a report of a snowman, breaking into a house, respond please..."
I began to have some doubts about the whole thing and Tom said," I'm not kidding, I saw a car crash into a ditch and when I pulled over to call 911, a recorded message said, 'Call back in the Spring!' Now I knew he was pulling my leg, because I happen to know that in Michigan, they all drive snow mobiles. Still, I hoped he might warm back at his house, but he said, "When I finally got back home I found out that I was out of firewood, so I had to chop up the grand piano. It worked, but I only got two chords."
Tommy might have it rough, but we had our own cold weather problems right here.
I called my Dad to ask how he was holding up...he said, "This is nothing, when I was a boy, we all had to sleep together... if we complained, Mom just threw on another brother!"